Can Romance Survive Infidelity, Betrayal & Heartbreak?

I subscribe to a blog on Myspace written by a guy called Sunn who is also an artist. His most recent blog entry caught my eye and after a read through I have to say it was deep. Whilst I'd love to debate and further discuss the topic I am caught up with Uni and my attention directed to my studies (excuses, excuses I know lol) but here's an excerpt from the blog.

Usually when we say that we are 'Not In Love' with a significant other anymore, what we are really saying is that we are Romantically disconnected from them. Often years after the lack of Romance has lead to the conditions that end our relationships, Love is still present only then It feels painful, resentful, fearful and or indifferent (i.e. repressed) to bare in relation to our former Lover that of coarse is the case in many, though not all, relationships.

It is not that either Love or Romance is superior to the other. They are both vital to obtain and maintain happiness in a relationship. They simply function differently. Love brings you medicine when you are sick/Romance surprises you with candy when you are well. Love is the contractor who will build your house/Romance is the architect who will design your house to be your dream 'home, sweet home'… But what happens after your Lover burns your 'home sweet home' down to the ground?

Yes, Love is capable of building you a new house, but if Romance is not renewed will that new house ever be a home to you? Can you walk the hallways of your newly rebuilt house without thinking about all the irreplaceable keepsakes, valuables and sentimental memories you lost in the fire that your Lover set? Even if a protracted attempt of forgiveness or extenuating circumstances relegate you to still live with your Lover… can you ever fully let go of your fear, resentment, anger and distrust of their egregious betrayal?

Will you not think it prudent to keep your prize possessions in a separate storage facility from your new house, 'just in case'? Even if your relationship hasn't exactly descended into a 'house, bitter house', can it ever be 'home sweet home' when shared with a proven arsonist? 'Forgive and forget' is a catchy cliché and wonderful ideal that we all aspire to and even believe (in the abstract) that we are capable of. But when the time comes to truly forgive and forget an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship… We, more often than not, fall short of our prior lofty credo that 'Love conquers all'.

I am a 'die hard' Romantic who believes whole-heartedly in the power of Love. I am also loyal to a fault… forever faithful that someway, somehow all is never lost when two are in Love. I never know when to say 'when'. The figurative 'fat lady singing' is not a cue for me to quit… because I enjoy her voice. At least that's the way I used to be before my latest years long stint of trying to piece back together yet another broken relationship. Love was (and remains) in abundance between us, but the lack of Romance was a constant reminder of all that was never and I came to believe would never be conquered.

I was eager to cook for her again, send her 'thinking of you' or 'xoxo' text messages throughout her day, lay together with her on the couch and watch a corny chick flick even though she'd fall asleep halfway through it. I wanted to let go of the past, drop our swords and shields, laugh, dance, and make love again. Even when sex was sporadic, if existent at all, it was the little things that I missed the most. Saying 'love you' at the end of our conversations, calling each other to say 'good morning' and 'good night', flirting, playing little pranks and showing unsolicited affection with each other… all either few and far between or just gone.

This existence for me a 'die hard' Romantic became an exercise in futility. Her withdrawal and retreat into her safety zone was so removed from me that I came to realize I could live without her, but I was dying without Romance. We had both hurt each other, but only one of us was ready, willing and able to fully move on… me. Ultimately, I had to save myself from myself…and keep it moving (albeit painfully and reluctantly).

Note: I know that the popular perception is that Romance is a superficial accessory that is nice, but not necessary in a committed modern (whatever that means) relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Love is to God, as Romance is to mankind's free will. Although God is ever present, for better or worse… the better or worse of our relationship with God relies primarily on how we make use of our free will. Thus, the better or worse of our Love relies primarily on how we utilize our power of choice… i.e. Romance.

This much I have come to believe… A good lover with a broken heart is like a prize Thoroughbred with a broken leg. Even if, against all odds, they ever walk again, they quite likely will never race again. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, experience and enlightenment have persuaded me of this with consistency. It is noble to 'be there until the end'. It is equally essential to know when 'the end' has come. That is not to say that Romance cannot survive an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship. It can… just very seldom ever with the person who broke our heart… unless we choose to.

Choose.

Note: I am still a die hard Romantic

For the full entry visit Sunn's Blog

Throwback track

I really don't have a theme for today's entry. After last night's escapade which involved alcohol and wandering Courtenay Pl my feet hurt and my brain is still in first gear. Note to self- walking in 4 inch heals for more than 100m is a VERY bad idea. But I digress.

I am still on my Common and J.Holiday trip, I can't get enough of either of them right now. I found CD I burned a year ago with Common's "retrospect for life" song on it. This track is a gem and features Lauryn Hill on vocals (she also directed the video). I had no idea there was a video for this but as per usual YOUTUBE came through for me. I give it a 10/10 for lyrical and relevant content. The song was released in 1997 on Common's third album entitled One Day It Will All Make Sense and samples Stevie Wonder's "Never dreamed you'd leave in summer" as well as "a song for you" by Donny Hathaway.


Retrospect For Life Lyrics

Artist Spotlight: J. Holiday

J.Holiday


"Bed" is the 2nd single off his debut album "Back of my Lac". After a couple listens the song pretty much grew on me and I'm loving it.
Holiday, a 23yr old from Washington DC describes his sound as "old school soul with a little mix of hip-hop" adding that if he had to give it a name he'd call it "street soul". Listing Tupac, Marvin Gaye and Ottis Redding amongst his influences he wants his music to bring back the art of storytelling in songs "Lately, it seems hip-hop has been birthing all of the great storytellers. It’s time to show that R&B is way more than just dance music. That’s what I’m trying to convey with my music. I won’t settle for less”. His album drops 2nd October '07.

J. Holiday - "bed"

Why Women Cheat

And don’t act like you haven’t done it or thought about it. Check out this article I read on clutchmagonline. It was an interesting read and I agree with the fact that the number of women who cheat has gone up and with all the reasons the writer came up with as to why women cheat.

“Unlike men, it rarely has anything to do with a sexual need or ego boost. It’s usually more of an emotional neglect or a revenge factor and strategically planned and thought out to avoid getting caught.” The article by Rashana Hooks listed the following reasons as to why women cheat:

1. Low Self Esteem

2. Revenge

3. Curiosity

4. Lack of Communication

5. Not over their Ex

6. Thrill Seekers

7. Sexual Dissatisfaction

8. Just a hot mess

I like how she ended the article too “regardless of the excuse, cheating is still wrong and should be examined as serious problem in any relationship”. Tru tok!

For the full article visit: Why Women Cheat

Degree=Job???

It’s my final semester at uni and the race is on for me to get my internship and job applications out. It’s hard to imagine what life will be like when I’m out in the real world trying to get ahead and comfortable. My fear is that my degree may not be enough although it does help it almost always is never enough. I came across this article on Clutch Magazine online titled Degree=job…maybe not and that gave several tips to help graduates “jump start” their careers:

Get Your Network On. It’s vital that you get out and network with other professionals and individuals that are involved and interested in your career path. If it’s one thing I have learned it’s who you know that will get you in the door.

* Intern. Intern. Intern. One big misconception is that college graduates can’t intern after college or it’s looked bad upon. But, this is so untrue, a lot of after college internships pay about $8.00-$17.00 - based on industry. Doing an internship after school can help you gain the experience needed to get in the door and also help you figure out if this is really what you want to do.

* Maintain A Portfolio. A portfolio is very important when interviewing. It gives you a chance to show off everything you have done in all areas of your life. If you are a college graduate bring in reports, your thesis or anything else you think can help show your abilities and skill sets.

* Get A Mentor. Finding a mentor can be one of the best career decisions you can ever make. A mentor can help guide and mould you into a future powerhouse as well as get you into doors you never thought possible.

* Resume Revamp. Regularly revamping and editing your resume is vital when job hunting. I would recommend having an HR professional look at your resume to offer tips and pointers. Also, this is where your mentor would come in, especially if they are in the same field that you are trying to get into. They usually know exactly what HR professionals look for when bringing in potential candidates. You never know…that one misspelling on your resume has kept you from health insurance and a job for the last couple months.

* Be Confident About Your Skills & Abilities. Just that! Be confident and let them know that you are the best candidate for that job!

Artist Spotlight : Common

I love me a good rap song that gets me goin on the dance floor but I have to admit that there is too much senseless rap music out there today that talks too much about "big booty girls", getting money and asking me to lean,rock and snap wit it. Then every so often you'll get that one rapper who'll come out with material that is inspiring, conscious, and relavant. For me that rapper is Common.

I first heard Common on Erykah Badu's single "Love of my life" (which was the OST for Brown Sugar) in 2002. I thought he was a new-comer but by 2002 he'd released his 5th album "Electric Circus" and I wouldn't jump on the Common band wagon till the release of "Be" in 2005 for which he would be nominated for seven Grammy Awards. Stand out tracks for me were "go" which featured vocal samples from John Mayer, "the corner", "be" and "Testify". I love his conscious lyrics and the way he poetically weaves together a story and raps in his songs. I guess this was one of the reasons I fell in love with "the light" (which is often suggested was written for Erykah Badu).

Just recently, ConcreteLoop featured several tracks off his much anticipated album 7th album 'Finding Forever". I had already enjoyed his singles "The people" and "Black Maybe" that were released earlier this year. The album which is primarily produced by fellow Chicagoan Kanye West features other artists such as Dwele (The people), Bilal (Black Maybe), Lilly Allen (Drivin' me wild), Will-i-am- (I want you), D'angelo (So far to go) and of course Kanye West. Its artists like Common who make me greatful for hip-hop and for having the balls to "be real".

For a review of some of the tracks off Finding Forever visit hmblog.wordpress.com
or ConcreteLoop to hear some of the tracks.

[m]onday [g]ripe

Two things bugged me as I walked back from my Business Communication lecture this morning (and it wasn't one of the models of communication that we looked at)
1. Emos
2. Guys in skinny jeans

Emos- what are they? why all the black, excessive amounts of mascara, eye-liner and pouting facials. It really isn't that hard to spot an emo... and some of their fashion I admit I totally dig- the hair dos and the funky tees and and accessories. But the depression and moodiness that is associated with an emo is what I don't get. We live in a country where we have access to basic and essential services such as health care, education, public transport and the luxuries of a developed country. And yet there they went, a group of Yr13 students most likely from middle class families with access to the internet, cell fones and their i-pods loaded with emo music stashed somewhere in their bags.

Guys in skinny jeans
I really don't know what kinda fad that is. Some guys rock the hell outta them and look great and then there are those that should not be wearing them at all. I'm talking bout guys who already have the bonniest chicken legs and those that have them all caught up around the crotch area. Its not a good look period!

Thread Bare: Ricochet Clothing NZ

If it wasn't for trademe I wouldn't even have come across this New Zealand Fashion house.
Ricochet Clothing was established in 1993 by Tatjana Windhager and is 100% NZ owned and operated.
Their philosophy is affordable high-end women's fashion and they deliver that promise with pieces that are bold, savvy and fashion forward.
After browsing their Summer 06/07 and Winter 07 galleries, I was impressed to say the least (wishing I could go on an instant shopping spree). My favourite pieces from their winter 07 line (even though I'm inclined to say I love them all) is their Stellar top ( black), Iggy jacket and the Dempster pant, their Wallace Pant and their Kitana top. Visit their site to see their Winter 07 line and for their store locations in NZ or search trademe (keyword "ricochet clothing") for less pricey Ricochet items.

Artist Spotlight : Chrisette Michele

I first heard her on Jay Z's single "lost ones' last year...I thought her voice sounded very jazzy (Billie Holiday like) . I later heard her on Nas's track "can't forget about you" (she also appears in the video) .
Fast forward to today and girl is doing big things. She's already released two singles "if I have my way" and "best of me" (which I am now bumping on i-tunes) off her debut album I am.
For more info about her check out her MySpace page or her DefJam artist page.


Chrisette Michele "Best of Me"

Sound tracks

Songs alway have a knack for capturing a feeling, reminding us of a moment in time or helping us get through.
For instance:

• In 2002 my sisters and I loved 112's Dance with me
• House of Pain's Jump Around always reminds me of my cousin Square - that jam always gets her psyched lol
• Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was the my "most played album" in 1999
• And then there's always "our song"- that one song that you and your other half have. For me it used to Bob Marley's Waiting in Vain but since then its become LL Cool J's Luv u better as my Other and I have gone through the motions of our relationship.

Then there are those songs you here off movies that get you. I experienced that after watching Prime (starring Uma Thurman, Merril Streep and Bryan Greenberg) last Friday. I hopped on the net and thanks to SoundtrackInfo.com I rediscovered Get Money by Junior Mafia and got introduced to I wish you love by Rachael Yamagata, She's got me by Daniel Merriweather and Sideways by Citizen Cope.

So I'm going to leave you with a list of songs that I'm listening to at the moment, songs which probably reflect the motions that I'm going through right now:

• Common - the Light
• LL Cool J - luv u better
• Trey Songz - can't help but wait
• Pink - who knew
• Jagged Edge - goodbye
• Alicia Keys -if I ain't got you (the remix by Kanye West)

Not that these are the only songs I'm listening to at the moment...you can never have too much music!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

I thought setting up a blog would be easy but I see designing and posting material is a longish process. I remember Mr Cheong (my IT teacher) constantly telling us the we had to make sure we planned and noted the content of our codes. Otherwise our forms would not do what we wanted them to do...this is kinda like that...and you guessed it I had a vision for my blog but no a plan/design to work from...
So here I am trying to choose fonts/colours/schemes/etc, all the while trying to decide what content I'm going to put up...this sux b*llz but I'm trying to make it work (this is My Space formatting all over again)