Monday, July 30, 2007

Can Romance Survive Infidelity, Betrayal & Heartbreak?

I subscribe to a blog on Myspace written by a guy called Sunn who is also an artist. His most recent blog entry caught my eye and after a read through I have to say it was deep. Whilst I'd love to debate and further discuss the topic I am caught up with Uni and my attention directed to my studies (excuses, excuses I know lol) but here's an excerpt from the blog.

Usually when we say that we are 'Not In Love' with a significant other anymore, what we are really saying is that we are Romantically disconnected from them. Often years after the lack of Romance has lead to the conditions that end our relationships, Love is still present only then It feels painful, resentful, fearful and or indifferent (i.e. repressed) to bare in relation to our former Lover that of coarse is the case in many, though not all, relationships.

It is not that either Love or Romance is superior to the other. They are both vital to obtain and maintain happiness in a relationship. They simply function differently. Love brings you medicine when you are sick/Romance surprises you with candy when you are well. Love is the contractor who will build your house/Romance is the architect who will design your house to be your dream 'home, sweet home'… But what happens after your Lover burns your 'home sweet home' down to the ground?

Yes, Love is capable of building you a new house, but if Romance is not renewed will that new house ever be a home to you? Can you walk the hallways of your newly rebuilt house without thinking about all the irreplaceable keepsakes, valuables and sentimental memories you lost in the fire that your Lover set? Even if a protracted attempt of forgiveness or extenuating circumstances relegate you to still live with your Lover… can you ever fully let go of your fear, resentment, anger and distrust of their egregious betrayal?

Will you not think it prudent to keep your prize possessions in a separate storage facility from your new house, 'just in case'? Even if your relationship hasn't exactly descended into a 'house, bitter house', can it ever be 'home sweet home' when shared with a proven arsonist? 'Forgive and forget' is a catchy cliché and wonderful ideal that we all aspire to and even believe (in the abstract) that we are capable of. But when the time comes to truly forgive and forget an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship… We, more often than not, fall short of our prior lofty credo that 'Love conquers all'.

I am a 'die hard' Romantic who believes whole-heartedly in the power of Love. I am also loyal to a fault… forever faithful that someway, somehow all is never lost when two are in Love. I never know when to say 'when'. The figurative 'fat lady singing' is not a cue for me to quit… because I enjoy her voice. At least that's the way I used to be before my latest years long stint of trying to piece back together yet another broken relationship. Love was (and remains) in abundance between us, but the lack of Romance was a constant reminder of all that was never and I came to believe would never be conquered.

I was eager to cook for her again, send her 'thinking of you' or 'xoxo' text messages throughout her day, lay together with her on the couch and watch a corny chick flick even though she'd fall asleep halfway through it. I wanted to let go of the past, drop our swords and shields, laugh, dance, and make love again. Even when sex was sporadic, if existent at all, it was the little things that I missed the most. Saying 'love you' at the end of our conversations, calling each other to say 'good morning' and 'good night', flirting, playing little pranks and showing unsolicited affection with each other… all either few and far between or just gone.

This existence for me a 'die hard' Romantic became an exercise in futility. Her withdrawal and retreat into her safety zone was so removed from me that I came to realize I could live without her, but I was dying without Romance. We had both hurt each other, but only one of us was ready, willing and able to fully move on… me. Ultimately, I had to save myself from myself…and keep it moving (albeit painfully and reluctantly).

Note: I know that the popular perception is that Romance is a superficial accessory that is nice, but not necessary in a committed modern (whatever that means) relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Love is to God, as Romance is to mankind's free will. Although God is ever present, for better or worse… the better or worse of our relationship with God relies primarily on how we make use of our free will. Thus, the better or worse of our Love relies primarily on how we utilize our power of choice… i.e. Romance.

This much I have come to believe… A good lover with a broken heart is like a prize Thoroughbred with a broken leg. Even if, against all odds, they ever walk again, they quite likely will never race again. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, experience and enlightenment have persuaded me of this with consistency. It is noble to 'be there until the end'. It is equally essential to know when 'the end' has come. That is not to say that Romance cannot survive an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship. It can… just very seldom ever with the person who broke our heart… unless we choose to.


Note: I am still a die hard Romantic

For the full entry visit Sunn's Blog


  1. Illaine!! I'm in love and its all because of you (singing because of you by neyo). I watched the 'bed' video that you had in your J. Holiday post and the guy is extremely sexy. How convincing does he seem. So natural. And the lyrics..aiyo mi dai.

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