Soundtracks to life: Rihanna- California King Bed

Songs always remind us of a certain moments in life. Things are changing relationship wise for me and so for now with no outlet to vent and with the other party reluctant to communicate, I leave it to a song to wonder WTH went wrong. Plus I wanna wollow in some self pity and reminisce for a bit about what was and what could have been (Note to self: remember to keep it moving...life goes on)

Picking up the shattered glass (prt 1)

Coming to terms with a break-up is never easy. Its can be a slow and painful process and
you may never fully recover if you don't take the time to heal and acknowledge the pain and hurt.Clutch Magazine has become a great source of information for me of late (hint to the New Age Woman Crew to have a look through for themselves) and I couldn't pass up this post by one of their male contributers.Although the story is from a male perspective the healing process is the same for both genders.

Picking up the shattered glass: Part I
Wednesday Aug 1, 2007 — By Zettler Clay

Top five things to come to grips with after a heartbreak with your loved one:

1. If you have been lied to, mistreated, or just blatantly disrespected by a loved one, then you must realize first that, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! People are in control of their own actions, and there is nothing that you can do about it. Absolve yourself of the blame for the other person’s action. Rid yourself of the notions that you are inadequate or inferior. Those are lies. What happened happened, and a new page begins.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FAULT IN THE SITUATION. This may sound contradictory to the prior tip, but it’s not. In a relationship, people compromise. They look the other way on stuff that are sure red flags. There is no such thing as not seeing something coming. There are ALWAYS cautionary signs when dealing with other people. Recognize the signs and understand that there are always areas that we can improve on. Learn from mistakes.

3. PRAY AND KNOW THAT TIME HEALS. Meditate. Embrace Yoga. Do whatever it is that cleanses you of all the turmoil that you are faced with. Know that time is on your side. In other words, get spiritual and let nature heal.

4. SEEK SOUND ADVICE. Do not – I repeat – do not repress the hurt that you are going through. This isn’t to say that you tell the whole world, just a close crew (3-5 people). Be careful of who you tell. Solicit advice from those who have gone through similar situations or those who have transcendent mindsets (i.e. very, very mature individuals).

5. GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING. This is – if not the most important - an essential task that we must undertake in dealing with hurt. Go to Six Flags. Go out with the girls or the homeboys that you’ve been putting off while you were in the relationship. Go shopping (assuming you have the funds, not advocating debt). Spend more time with family. Meet new people. Date. Disclaimer: Following this tip and forsaking the other four tips on this list does not constitute as a way of dealing with your grief. All five must be done to optimally piece together what was broken.

for the full article visit: Picking up the shattered glass: Part I

Wifey,Baby Girl,Side piece or Jump off?

This post on Clutch Mag Online had me thinking in circles (and in a slight panic). After I read it I sat there thinking I wonder which one I am. Is this true for all guys? Have I been sooo caught up?

A man has 4 different types of women in his life…

1.Wifey. Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man…she is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the girl that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man…BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or fcks up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again.
2.Baby Girl. Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a very active social life…she IS replaceable, thinks she’s the next Wifey, but there will only be Wifey. If an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that’s as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really f*cks up, she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot.
3.Side Piece. Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex & other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that three-some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month.
4.Jump Off. Jump Off…every man’s dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn’t know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollas at when he is with his boys….she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her…he only recalls how fat her ass was

Now, I pride myself on being the wifey, but have I subjected myself to becoming the Jump off? Yeah, I answered the phone and let him come over at 2:30 a.m. (after the club) a few times, well more than a few times. But, if you want it are you playing yourself? Or are you getting yours? Now your smile has went from Cali to Florida in 3.5 seconds.

Is it possible to redeem yourself? Is there a way to go from jump off back to wifey status with the same guy or do we tastefully move on to the next with hopes that this one “may be the one ya’ll?

For the full article visit : The Jump Off-pump,pump,pump,pump it up! by Shantel Brown

Can Romance Survive Infidelity, Betrayal & Heartbreak?

I subscribe to a blog on Myspace written by a guy called Sunn who is also an artist. His most recent blog entry caught my eye and after a read through I have to say it was deep. Whilst I'd love to debate and further discuss the topic I am caught up with Uni and my attention directed to my studies (excuses, excuses I know lol) but here's an excerpt from the blog.

Usually when we say that we are 'Not In Love' with a significant other anymore, what we are really saying is that we are Romantically disconnected from them. Often years after the lack of Romance has lead to the conditions that end our relationships, Love is still present only then It feels painful, resentful, fearful and or indifferent (i.e. repressed) to bare in relation to our former Lover that of coarse is the case in many, though not all, relationships.

It is not that either Love or Romance is superior to the other. They are both vital to obtain and maintain happiness in a relationship. They simply function differently. Love brings you medicine when you are sick/Romance surprises you with candy when you are well. Love is the contractor who will build your house/Romance is the architect who will design your house to be your dream 'home, sweet home'… But what happens after your Lover burns your 'home sweet home' down to the ground?

Yes, Love is capable of building you a new house, but if Romance is not renewed will that new house ever be a home to you? Can you walk the hallways of your newly rebuilt house without thinking about all the irreplaceable keepsakes, valuables and sentimental memories you lost in the fire that your Lover set? Even if a protracted attempt of forgiveness or extenuating circumstances relegate you to still live with your Lover… can you ever fully let go of your fear, resentment, anger and distrust of their egregious betrayal?

Will you not think it prudent to keep your prize possessions in a separate storage facility from your new house, 'just in case'? Even if your relationship hasn't exactly descended into a 'house, bitter house', can it ever be 'home sweet home' when shared with a proven arsonist? 'Forgive and forget' is a catchy cliché and wonderful ideal that we all aspire to and even believe (in the abstract) that we are capable of. But when the time comes to truly forgive and forget an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship… We, more often than not, fall short of our prior lofty credo that 'Love conquers all'.

I am a 'die hard' Romantic who believes whole-heartedly in the power of Love. I am also loyal to a fault… forever faithful that someway, somehow all is never lost when two are in Love. I never know when to say 'when'. The figurative 'fat lady singing' is not a cue for me to quit… because I enjoy her voice. At least that's the way I used to be before my latest years long stint of trying to piece back together yet another broken relationship. Love was (and remains) in abundance between us, but the lack of Romance was a constant reminder of all that was never and I came to believe would never be conquered.

I was eager to cook for her again, send her 'thinking of you' or 'xoxo' text messages throughout her day, lay together with her on the couch and watch a corny chick flick even though she'd fall asleep halfway through it. I wanted to let go of the past, drop our swords and shields, laugh, dance, and make love again. Even when sex was sporadic, if existent at all, it was the little things that I missed the most. Saying 'love you' at the end of our conversations, calling each other to say 'good morning' and 'good night', flirting, playing little pranks and showing unsolicited affection with each other… all either few and far between or just gone.

This existence for me a 'die hard' Romantic became an exercise in futility. Her withdrawal and retreat into her safety zone was so removed from me that I came to realize I could live without her, but I was dying without Romance. We had both hurt each other, but only one of us was ready, willing and able to fully move on… me. Ultimately, I had to save myself from myself…and keep it moving (albeit painfully and reluctantly).

Note: I know that the popular perception is that Romance is a superficial accessory that is nice, but not necessary in a committed modern (whatever that means) relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Love is to God, as Romance is to mankind's free will. Although God is ever present, for better or worse… the better or worse of our relationship with God relies primarily on how we make use of our free will. Thus, the better or worse of our Love relies primarily on how we utilize our power of choice… i.e. Romance.

This much I have come to believe… A good lover with a broken heart is like a prize Thoroughbred with a broken leg. Even if, against all odds, they ever walk again, they quite likely will never race again. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, experience and enlightenment have persuaded me of this with consistency. It is noble to 'be there until the end'. It is equally essential to know when 'the end' has come. That is not to say that Romance cannot survive an egregious betrayal, infidelity or profound heartbreak in a relationship. It can… just very seldom ever with the person who broke our heart… unless we choose to.

Choose.

Note: I am still a die hard Romantic

For the full entry visit Sunn's Blog